Friday, June 22, 2012

I'm Going Back

It's been a while since I've made a post.  That is because I haven't been able to enroll in any classes for a while. I guess when I look back I made a mistake. Of course, I always told myself that it was right, but that still doesn't change the mistake. Last time I was in school, Silva was still pregnant with Ben. I was only taking 3 classes but with the due date being around the same time as finals, I got really scared. I was doing really good in my math class and had already passed the other two classes with A's but with no time to study and after a couple trips to the hospital, I freaked out and dropped my math class. I kept telling myself that I had to have an B and that if I don't withdrawal and take the final, I would have a C and I didn't want to ruin my GPA. Unfortunately, the previous semester I was on academic probation. By withdrawing from a course my GPA was not hurt because I was passing but my course completion rate dropped below federal standards and I was unable to receive any financial aid. I felt I needed to be there for Silva but in reality I was just abandoning myself. I fell into the same pattern I had in high school. In high school, I would always get too stressed about school and, come test time, I would freak out and instead of studying I would find any excuse to do something else and find any excuses to get out of it. Like what happened with the MEAP the last year I took it. One of my teachers had mentioned something about the MEAP being voluntary and after doing the first part I came back the next day and told my counselor I did not want to finish the tests. So, I didn't . Now, I always wonder how I would have done had I finished it and if I would have qualified for the scholarship. But I will never know , all because I panicked. My wife today surprised me, while I was reading my kids to sleep, she logged on and signed me up for my class so I can finish it and go back next fall. Of course, now i'm freaking out but from now on I won't let it stop me from doing what I want to do.

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