As those of you who know me well know that I shave my head. The reason isn’t really so much that I am going bald but more of the fact that I think It looks good. A few years back, people kept telling me that I should shave my head, I didn’t like the idea because I was afraid it wouldn’t grow back. I eventually got head lice from my daughter and decided it was the best thing to do. I have been shaving my head ever since. When I was younger I had longer hair. I usually did a bowl cut which was the popular style in my preteen years. Having long hair I developed the habit of “flipping” my hair out of my eyes. Basically I would jerk me head so the the hair would uncover them. This habit sadly to say still exists to this day. Yes you read that right, I flip my hair still even though I have to hair to flip. It really is amazing how these habits people have exist beyond thinking. I have some other habits as well from when I was a child that I do and don’t realize it. I am trying to stop some habits but in order to break them you have to continuously think about not doing it and I can’t keep my mind focused enough to do that. Dr. Drew used to say that in order to brake habits or more specifically lose weight you need to see the habit a something that disgusts you. It is hard to find something that is so normal to you and tell yourself it is disgusting. I think that is why I have issues losing weight. I always think that I maybe big but I could be worse. I wonder if I can train myself to look at my body with disgust I will finally make that push. Of course, the idea of hating myself to get something I want goes against everything I believe in. Food for thought I guess. Anyone else have any thoughts on this please share.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Where have I been the past weeks you ask? Well I was busy mourning my grandmother. I have been in a deep depression that I really could not see through. I was depressed before my grandma died but after that I sunk much deeper. The only joy I found was in my kids and I don't see them much so I was not happy with my life and my decision to go to school. I fell behind in school and didn't have any care about catching up. Last Thursday while talking to my College Success Skills teacher she suggested I look at the Kubler-Ross model, also known as the 5 stages of death. Which states people go through 5 stages after losing a loved one Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I looked it over with Silva and we figured I was in the Bargaining stage. Mainly because I missed my kids so much I would do anything to see them. I tried to get off work early not caring about hours I need. I called Gabi in sick to school even though she was not sick at all. Realizing this I told myself how irrational it was. I of course went deep in to the depression stage and decided I had to take my medicine before something bad happens (I take celexa for anger and depression). I am feeling so much better and am definitely in the Acceptance stage.