Enjoy The Silence

Here I am sitting at my computer, the sun is bright and the 13 inches of snow outside my door is shining in every window. The only sound to be heard is the TV playing an episode of Octanauts and the occasional laugh and happy noises of a fidgeting 2 year old. My 3 oldest are not home because school is finally back in session. We had great Christmas break that wasn't to crazy and the weekend after January 1st we were all ready for school to start. Liam was ready to start his Violin lessons again, Jude wanted to see his friends again and Gabi was looking forward to having here holiday party that got set aside when school was canceled on the Friday before break. Then it started to snow; and snow and snow and snow. We looked at maps showing what areas in Michigan were going to get the most snow and found our house; right on the inner edge of the giant red dot showing what area would get 12+ inches of snow. I knew right then school would have to be canceled. Everything was going good until the Monday night. At the time, around 9:30pm, we had around 8 inches and the cable and internet went out. I thought, "OK. It should be back on in the morning and we will be fine." It wasn't back on in the morning. In fact it didn't come back on until 1pmWednesday. Tuesday was rough because the kids didn't want to watch any of the DVDs we had and just wanted to toss the toys around instead of actually play with them. By Wednesday they lost all interest in TV, until the cable came back later on, unfortunately they had already been terrible monsters fighting and screaming at every chance. But I managed to pull though, I got the house cleaned, laundry done and even had all the toys sorted and put away before Silva even got home. This, of course, means that now the house is mostly clean. In fact I feel like I don't know what to do. I'm trying to avoid things that will suck up all my time and make it go by fast but all I want to do is sleep. But it would be wrong of me to nap while my 2 year old is running around...Right? I guess I might as well just enjoy the silence..

I Knew You Before You Even Existed

I love music. There are many different genres and I can honestly say that I like something in every one of them. There are some I don't like as much as others, such there are still some rap songs that I do enjoy. Of all the many artists out there, I feel you can group them all into 4 different categories: Those that make music for the sake of music, those that make music for the sake of poetry, those that make music for the sake of money and those that make music for the sake of emotion. The first two are both great reasons. If you do it for music you pay attention to the sound and the movement of the sound. If you do it for poetry, the words are more important and you look to the music later. The third is not a good one at all and you only care about producing something that will be huge, so you lip sync or over modulate your voice and pay others to write your songs. The final is the rarest and most powerful of the 4. The 4th mixes the best of the first two. You look for the best sound you can to create a feeling that will make some one tear up. Then you look to the words and give it all the attention to complement the sound you created.

I have mentioned in a few of my posts on here about a group called M83 that has blown me away recently. This group creates emotion like it comes natural to them. Most of the time my listening to them has caused tears. The trailer for the movie "Cloud Atlas," which made me cry featured one of their songs. The movie "Oblivion" used them to score the entire film, which made me cry. In my post on my blog about the 18th Annual At-Home Dads Convention, I mention how the album caused me to tear up while thinking about my kids. That was with no visual influence. Just the words and music created an emotional connection to me that cause me to break down.

Now on to my real reason for bringing them up again. I have been listening to their most recent album a lot and their first track simply titled, "Intro", has a line that I have misinterpreted. I thought it said, "We KNEW you before you even existed", but it actually says, "We WERE you before you even existed". Before I even knew what the real words were I thought a lot about that phrase, "We knew you before we even existed". As a father of four kids I immediately thought about my kids. Actually, as a father I think about my kids with just about anything, but this time it made sense to me.

I never met my daughter until she was 18 months and didn't know she was mine until she was 2. One could imagine that it would be hard for an 18 year old to understand that this kid is a part of him, but for me it was right. When I looked into my Gabi's eyes I just knew I knew her before. I felt like I had always known her. It was as if I knew here before. Before she even existed. Since then there have been doubts about whether or not I am actually her father and I myself even question it. I never had a test done but something tells me that no test will give me an answer because I still knew her before. She has always been mine and I have always know we were destined to be together as a father and daughter. In 2007, my oldest son was born. When I saw him I knew I had known him forever. Before he existed. I knew who he was. It all clicked to me. The emotions I fear to show before he was born all came out. I saw us in him. I saw my wife, I saw myself and I knew that he was us. We were him. We came together to create him. His emotions, his love, his anger, his fear, his looks, his touch, his every being was us. We were him. Even now that he is 6 I still see us.

When a parent first sees their child they look at that little bundle of poop, pee & need and feel emotions because they actually feel like they always have known them. For a new dad, they see someone that makes sense. Someone that has always been there and will always be there. For a mother, it is more profound, that child has spend the past 9 months inside them so, in a way, they do know them. They know their sleeping schedule, their temperament and their emotion, all based on how they were acting in the womb. As parents, we are naturally bred to love our children. We knew them before they even existed.

"We didn't need a story, we didn't need a real world

We just had to keep walking

And we became the stories, we became the places

We were the lights, the deserts, the faraway worlds

We were you before you even existed"

Now that's poetry any parent can understand.

Guest Post: Dave Taylor: "SPORTS? WELL, I DO HAVE A SON..."

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Today is the day where everyone watches football and it reminds me that I don't like football and that my kids are copying me in this dislike. The issue is I want them to like sports. I don't want them to grow up never finding out for themselves whether they like it or not. I have decided to try and get into it to try to get them to make their own decisions. Here is a special guest post from Dave Taylor at GoFatherhood.com about a different kid of football. Enjoy!

I don't know what kind of crossed DNA we had when he was conceived, but neither my ex nor I are particularly into sports, either playing or watching, yet my 13yo son is quite the athlete and fan. Truth is, I'm just not hugely competitive and as someone born in England, most American sports leave me bored to tears with the incessant ad breaks and 150 person teams full of specialists who can kick, run, pass, block or do the end-zone dance, but little else. How that's a sport escapes me.

But I also realize that when I was growing up, my Dad was not into any sports at all, even though he was quite a decent soccer player in London when he was in his teens and early twenties. Then the war showed up, he played against top-league professionals, pressure to earn money arose, and, well, he rapidly lost interest in sports.

That was his decision. But mine? Whether or not I'm an avid fan, I want my son -- and my daughters! -- to have the option of being into sports by exposing him to as many different teams as possible. Heck, he's quite the young athlete himself, alternating between basketball and lacrosse depending on the season. What teams does he support? Basically whatever the adults around him support. So that means the British Premier League soccer team the Tottenham Hotspurs because of my support of the team and the Broncos and Chiefs (confusingly!) because of us being in Colorado and his Mom having been born in Kansas City.

I've been to lots of live sports and they can be quite fun. I was particularly surprised by a Colorado Avalanche game that my son and I attended a while back that was way more fun than I expected! Baseball is more hit and miss and while I enjoy the "great American pastime" I always go to games prepared to be bored for at least one stretch of the game. And a no-hitter? Yaaawwwwnnn.

But I've always been a big fan of soccer, especially World Cup soccer, and even more so in the last 5-10 years or so. I don't know that I'd say I'm rabid or even avid, but I have a Spurs sweatshirt and team case for my iPhone. When they play and it's broadcast, I get up early to watch the matches, including when they get a real drubbing as they did last weekend from Manchester City. Yech. Does that make me fanatical?

My son definitely enjoys watching soccer matches with me, and when we can, I'll take him to a sports bar to get the social, audience experience. And he's clearly more of a sports fan than I am, happy to turn on a basketball, football, baseball or lacrosse game too. It's the least I can do, raising a boy.  And the fact that my daughters enjoy an occasional sporting event? That's just a lovely bonus.

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Dave Taylor blogs about being a single father at GoFatherhood.com and can be found on all major social media. Start by looking for him at @DaveTaylor on Twitter.

An Open Letter to Parents on the Playground: It Is OK to Play With Your Kids

I pulled up to the playground and me and my boys got excited. We come to this playground everyday and no one is ever here. Of course, I was happy about this at first; my social anxieties used to make me uncomfortable around other parents. Over the months, I began to notice my kids weren't having fun because there were no other kids. So imagine our excitement when we saw other kids! Now, imagine our disappointment when we notice you are sitting in your car while your 3 and 4 year olds are playing...Alone and as we approached the play area we heard your honk and then heard your shouts, "Come on! It's time to go!" And then all of our excitement was gone. I know you had to leave and I'm not blaming you for their disappointment but a minute after you left my 4 year old asked me this question: "Dad, why don't they play with their kids?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I couldn't come up with a good answer so I only said, "Some parents can't play with their kids like I can." Which is true. Maybe you had a surgery or you just aren't that young and aren't able to catch up. My kids are great in many ways. One of them being they are always giving me things to think about. This started me thinking.

Parenting is hard. We can all agree on that. All we ever do is deal with kids and when we have a moment, we just want to sit and enjoy it. The little ones are always there and they do not make things easier, that's for sure. But they still need us and play time is one of the best ways we can teach them. Over and over again when I go to the playgrounds that are popular and I see the same sight. Mom's and Dad's just sitting down and messing with their phone while the little ones run around in chaos. Of course, it is not everyone but this message isn't for the 25% (totally made up; number based on experience only) that do play and interact. This is for the phone moms and dads.

Most of the reason I go to this particular lonely park is because it is right next to my wife's work and we have 45 minutes to kill before we pick her up. The other is because I don't have to get weird looks from people sitting down while I am jumping around and playing in the sandbox. I have never liked putting myself in a position where people look at me so I like that I can play tag with the kids and run and slide down slides and jump off swings and...You get the picture. It allows me to act like a kid. You may not realize it but your kids are watching you. When they see you sitting on your phone ignoring everyone they will learn that it is OK to be that way. I think we can agree that is not what you want from your kids. You want them to be social and play with others. You don't want them sitting on the swings with their own phones Instagraming the sun and saying how awesome playing at the park is (which I have seen many time; seriously, anyone under the age of 13 DOES NOT NEED A SMART PHONE! But that's another post altogether). We want them to be friendly and not be afraid to play with other kids.

My point is that it is OK to play with your kids at the park. Let them see you having fun. Let them see you being silly. This is a moment where you can take a break from being mom or dad and be a friend. These little moments go a long way and when they are older they will remember it! Parenting is about having no regrets and raising our children the way they will look back and say, "Mom was so awesome. She was the one all the kids wanted to play with at the park." I am always certain to make moments and traditions that will last forever. When we go to the car; I will race them and sometimes I even let them win. When we are in elevators; I will tell them the elevator needs help and we need to push up with all our strength. These moments will be something my family will always cherish. Don't wait for your kids to create the good times...Create the good times for them.

My Experience at the 18th Annual At-Home Dads Convention

Here I am sitting in Parent Hell. Yes I am referring to that parental terror also known as Chuck E. Cheese. It has been a week since the second day of 18th Annual At-Home Dads Convention. Actually, I'm not sitting, I'm standing, chasing down kids left and right. Chuck E. just came out and, while the kids do their dance, before the evil version of Mickey Mouse tosses a box full of tickets in the air causing an onslaught that reminds me of an episode of The Walking Dead, in which I'm not sure if my kids will come out with a hand full of tickets or a face full of tears, I am typing this. Now this isn't a day where we decided to take only our kids on a nice quiet weekday. This is Saturday for a birthday party. But in all fairness, the kids are having fun. They are smiling and being happy which, in spite of my disdain for the place, makes the trip worth it. It is a big difference to how my days were over one week ago.

My trip began at 3 am eastern time. I woke to my alarm and ate breakfast. Knowing I wouldn't be eating for a while, I ate some extra calories. Little did I know it still wouldn't be enough and would be eating again for nearly 10 hours. Everything worked out; my plane was on time and I made it on without issues, even after leaving my Fitbit on while going through security I still was in the air at a 6:50am. It was a quiet flight, after all it was really early and most people were asleep. Even the 2 people next to me. I stared out the window as we took off I noticed the sun beginning to rise, I was listening to m83 on the iPod and it had just began to play their song, "Wait." The brilliant colors of the sun coming over the horizon was the most amazing sight I have ever seen (aside from the birth of my kids). It seemed I was the only one to notice. A I am listening to this song I am overwhelmed by emotion. It reminds me it will be the first time in a very long time that my boys will wake up and their dad would not be there. I felt myself begin to tear up and I was sad that I couldn't be there for them in the morning.


"Send your dreams 
Where nobody hides 
Give your tear's
To the tide 
No time 
There's no end 
There is no goodbye 
Disappear 
With the night 
No time" - m83 - "Wait"

After spending the day in downtown Denver, after I finally found some food in downtown, I met up with Eric of Dad on the Run and Don Jackson of Daddy Newbie. It was great being able to hang out with 2 guys I felt I already knew because of Facebook. After about 30 minutes, my roommate and gracious host Al Watts arrived and I was finally able to get in a room and clean up. As a scholarship recipient, Al hosted me in his room without me having to cover any costs. I am still amazed and thankful for everything the National At-Home Dad Network (NAHDN) did to help me get out there. They covered flight, admission to the convention and even covered the cost for the Saturday dinner. After spending a few minutes in the room I met downstairs with Eric and Chris from DadNCharge. I then did something I have never really done before; walked to a bar for a few drinks. After a couple beers and meeting up with Trevor from OneSAHD, we headed back to the hotel for the meet up before we all headed to Lucky Strike.

We were like a gang, laughing and walking through LoDo. Probably around 20 of us all following everyone and no one, hoping at least one of us knew the way. Finally we arrived at Lucky Strike and had a fun time just talking and getting to know one another. I heard and had so many great conversations although the number one question of the night I heard was always, "How many kids do you have?" I had assumed my answer of four would raise some eyebrows but was pleasantly surprised to find many of us have more than 3 kids. It is something we all have in common. This pure love and emotional connection to our children. One isn't enough for us. I felt at home. Rarely was sports the major part of the conversation. Yes it was discussed but I never heard anyone push it like I hear when I talk to guys at bars that have no kids. It was always, kids, wives, housework and playgroups. Oh and poop...Of course. I had an amazing conversation with Chris Routly from Daddy Doctrines about web comics, kids TV and Breaking Bad. Made my night since I haven't talked to many other that have finished Breaking Bad and was able to have a spoiler filled conversation without holding back details and my true feelings about the show.

That night when I finally arrived late to the hotel I was surprised to find my roommate was not there yet; I figured he would have been asleep already since, being the president of the National At-Home Dad Network, he would have a busy day in the morning. He arrived not long after but this began one of my favorite parts of the convention; my nightly conversations with Al Watts. He, being a little older than me, had so much insight at what I am going through and put a lot of things in perspective. It was great talking about the convention, past conventions, future ones, Brian Dickson, how the scholarship works, ect. Learning how much goes in to putting this on made me want to be a part of it. It was the first night that I decided to volunteer to help with the scholarship committee with the hopes to help expand it and help other dads that have financial trouble to make the trip.

Early Friday many of us went to the Food Bank of the Rookies for a community service project and then after lunch the convention officially began.The speakers for the Friday were really great. We were introduced to Dr. Richard Mahogany and Mantherapy.org, followed by a great discussion with, Al, Hogan Hilling, Chris Routly and Doug French about empowering dads and leading the charge on breaking down negative stereotypes. Something we all deal with on a regular basis; people that don't understand why we are at home with the kids and not our wives. Two people that left a positive impression on me during the whole trip were women. Lisa Duggan and Stephanie Jelley from The Modern Village & Umojawa. They did a nice presentation on mindfulness and at every turn, whether speaking or just hanging around during a meet up, they were always helping us and inspiring us to be great dads.

Saturday began our keynote speaker (Dr. Harley Rotbart) and our breakout sessions. Dr. Rotbart blew me away. His book No Regret Parenting is all about creating those little moments in your kids lives that will stick with them for the rest of their life. It has been an eyeopener in the fact I realize I already do things like, every time we are in an elevator my kids and I will try to lift the elevator up or push it down. My kids always do it even when I'm not paying attention. Hearing what he had to say made me realize how important it is to always do that and make it a moment they expect and have fun with it.

After a great lunch provided by timetoplaymag.com the breakouts began. I attended Returning to Work, At–Home Fitness, Infants & Toddlers, Marriage – Relationship . They all offered a great learning experiences but the one I enjoyed the most was the At-Home Fitness session. It made me realize how easy it can be to get in little workouts and still get stuff done. They actually had us doing the exercises so we can learn them before we take it back home and start to be more fit. 

The part of the whole convention that I enjoyed the most was the end. Not because I was happy it was over but because it offered the most emotion. Al Watts blew us all away with a powerful talk about his daughter and how her recent brush with death was a reminder about why he stays at home and why he helps run the NAHDN. The story had almost every man in that room tearing up. His daughter was horseback riding in Yellowstone and the horse she was riding stepped wrong and fell in a canyon with is 11 year old still on. She stopped around 150 feet down and was trapped there fro 4 hours waiting for helicopters to come and rescue her. I know we were all imagining that happening to our own kids. Afterward we watched a slideshow of pictures of our kids. Seeing all these happy faces of our kids was a bit overwhelming. Having just heard Al's story seeing picture of kids I recognized, kids that looked like guys I just met and then seeing my own brought tears to my eyes. All the pain I felt about leaving them was too much and I couldn't hold back. I don't think I have ever missed my kids more than that moment. 

During closing remarks, I was real proud of all the scholarship dads that stood up and thanked everyone for helping us get to the convention. It is extremely important for dads that are low income to attend something like this because we learn stuff we never would because we can't afford it. There are so many books and classes offered back home but because of our position we can't attend or buy the books. I am very happy we spoke up because it allowed us to put it out there that this scholarship is great and can be better if only we get the word out and bring in more funding to get more dads out to these conventions. I was nearly brought to tears when I heard of some dads, that didn't really know about the scholarship, decided that they would pay for a hotel room for next years recipients. I decided if I couldn't afford it next year, I would rather sit it out than to receive another scholarship and stop someone from missing out. If you can please donate to the scholarship fund and help as many dads as we can.

I guess it't time to close this. I want to thank a lot of people here. For Robb Tavill, thank you for all the work you did to get me out there. For Al Watts, thanks for hosting me at the last minute and for all the amazing conversations. They may have kept us up later than we should have but they were worth it. For Eric Boyette and Don Jackson for hanging out with me while I waited for Al to arrive. For James Kline, thank you for teaching me how to enjoy beer and for the great conversations we had, I can't wait for 2015/2016! For Greg Washington, thanks for being awesome and all the Facebook friend suggestions. For Michael Brown for the great conversation we had that left me feeling inspired about something I can barely remember, one too many beers I guess. And a big collective thanks to the following for just being awesome: Philip Andrew, Will Culp, Rich O'Dell, Ron Crouch, Bill Ekhardt, Justin Faucette, Joe Agro, Ryan Rippentrop, Lance Somerfeld, Doug French, Stephanie Jelley, Jim O'Dowd, Todd Matarazzo, Chris Routly, Lisa Duggan,  Jesse King, Hogan Hilling, Christian Toto, Michael Madsen, David Worford, Jarrod Hindman, Dr. Harley Rotbart, Nick Weber, Alberto Pellicer, Austin Dowd. For the convention sponsors: Huggies, Timetoplaymag.com, SafariLtd.com, Farmrich, The Modern Village, Umojawa, Flexjobs.com, DAD 2.0 Summit.

I know I missed a few people but if I talked to you and didn't mention you here it is because either we never friended each other on Facebook or I never got your name.

And a huge thanks to Richard Blake and all the other Denver dads for leading the charge on setting it all up!

Goals

I have found that the best thing that keeps me going during my health journey is making a goal that I can stick to. In the beginning it was quitting drinking pop. I have been successful for the most part; I have a little here or there but not more than 2 or 3 times a month. After that I wanted to run a 5k and began to train for that. In June I completed that goal. I had made a goal of running a nother 5k in the fall but I feel because that wasn't a goal that would push myself further, I pretty much forgot about it. I haven't been running much and I haven't been working out in general. Since April, I have been doing these challenges on LoseIt! that have been getting more popular with every month. They have evolved in to this great community of people that always keep me going. In June I stopped logging my food and even though I didn't gain I also didn't lose any weight. When I started my July challenge I worked hard to get back in the habit and this group of people really help me achieve my goal of logging everyday. Now that we are here in August and I feel my interest waning I have decided I need a big goal...Wait thats not right...I need a BIG goal. There that better. As I was struggling to come up with this I met an amazing guy with the same goals as myself, Micah. I met him on Facebook in an "at home dads group" and since we had the same goal we started a group for at home dads that are looking to live a healthy lifestyle and lose weight. Last week in a conversation he mentioned he wanted to go with me and another dad in the group on a bike tour of Door County in Wisconsin. I thought he was joking and brushed it off. Then I noticed he started posting questions about tents and other "camping" type items and realized he was serious. This idea began to stew in my brain. At first, it was, "how cool would that be, to bad I can't do it." Then I began to think, "Wisconsin isn't that far away. Maybe." Then, "You are not fit enough to do that." Then another friend posted photos from his bike tour of the Netherlands and then it was, "Oh man, I want to do this." I contacted Micah and said, "Lets do this." He sent me a list of items he thinks we will need and after looking it over I discovered I had nothing on the list...Including the most important tool...A bike. After looking at prices including the bike and travel expenses to get to Wisconsin I'm looking at a cost of over $2000. And that wasn't counting the cost of food during the tour. The problem: I am a Stay At Home Dad. My wife makes enough to pay bills but as far as funding a trip for myself, not only do we not have the money but it would be selfish to expect my wife to pay for a goal I want to do without her. So I am putting it up to the world and asking anyone that can help to please, go to http://www.gofundme.com/starmodesix and donate any amount you can. Also If you have any items that you can loan or give me that is on my list let me know.

Health Tip #31: The Dangers of Splenda

Everyone keeps talking about the dangers about aspartame (equal) but no one is talking about sucralose (splenda). Sucralose is made by taking real sugar and processing it so that the sucrose (sugar) is taken out and leaving the sweet part that cant be metabolized by your body. (Sucralose does contain calories but because your body doesnt metabolize it the calories have no effect...apparently) During the process chlorine is added to help remove the real sugar part. Yup you read that right, chlorine. The stuff you put in pool, the stuff you wash your whites in. Aspartame has shown to cause many bad side effect when drank in soda regularly and sucralose is no different. common side effects associated with the use of Splenda include headaches and migraines, nausea, upset stomach, digestive issues and dizziness. You may be getting it somewhere you didn't even know. Of course there is Diet Coke with Splenda, Pepsi ONE uses it, Diet Mountain Dew, Diet Lipton iced teas, regular and with lemon. All Diet Rite drinks contain it as well as Hansen's Diet Sodas.  Nabisco-brand Snackwells sugar-free sandwich cookies, sugar-free yogurts and ice cream, canned fruits and fruit gels, sugar-free jelly, Crystal Light, Ocean Spray Light Juice Drinks, Arizona Diet Iced Teas all use Splenda. Even some Nutrition bars use Splenda instead of sugar to reduce calories.

You may think you are doing good by replacing Aspartame with Splenda but your not. It is an easy jump to say, "I should stop drinking Diet Pepsi and switch to Pepsi One" but your only opening yourself up to other problems. The best way to maintain a healthy life style and feel good is to stop drinking pop all together. Don't replace one bad thing with another. I use Stevia (Truvia) which is a Natural sweetener because it is derived from the plant and doesn't involve chemicals to make it low calories. It has also been shown to help decrease hypertension and lowers blood sugar levels in diabetes patients. It was also been used by South American Natives to prevent pregnancy, apparently.  As with all sweeteners even Stevia should be avoided during pregnancy and while breastfeeding, mainly because there hasn't been enough research involved.