Diaper Nostalgia

There I am walking into a truck at my part time job at UPS when it hits me. That smell so familiar that I will never forget it. I sniff around looking for the source, knowing exactly what it will be and sure enough I find it. It's a box full of diapers. As a parent you will always know that smell. The smell of a fresh diaper. Whether it is Pampers, Luvs or Huggies you learn to know them all. They are all unique and if you have had a baby you have more than likely bought them all. You have trained your nose to that smell from the opening of a fresh pack to the sniffing of a toddlers butt with he hopes you will smell that fresh smell and not the bomb the child may have left you. For me it is instant nostalgia; it brings me right back to the time I changed that first diaper on my oldest boy.

I remember the hospital diapers and how they didn't really have a smell but when we first got home and opened that first pack of Luvs diapers. Of all the diaper brands Luvs has the strongest smell; those were among the first ones we used and I hated it. The smell was too strong and made me feel sick from time to time. Over the years, though, I grew to love that smell and when I would walk by a store baby aisle or come to close to a persons diaper bag I could always spot the Luvs. And now I when I spot it I immediately go back to that first diaper change with all my kids and feel sad and happy that they aren't that small anymore. It reminds me how much they have grown and how much I have grown, not only as a father but as a man and a human.

Of course, I am not the perfect dad right now but when I remember how I was before that first diaper change and where I am now I see how much I have grown. I remember when My cousin handed me her baby years before I had my first baby and I was freaking out. I didn't want to drop the kid and I basically didn't want to be in that moment holding a baby. It scared me and I knew I wouldn't be a good father but when I had my own baby in my arms all that fear was gone and when I opened that first inky diaper and pulled out the fresh diaper and smelled that fresh diaper smell, I knew it would be all right. 

My Scariest Day as a Father

I was sitting with my, then 2 year old son Ben when I decide I was getting bored and wanted to sit at the computer. Since summer was over, it was my first week alone with the other kids in school and Ben at home. We had never had this much alone time and over the summer I had grown accustom to the older kids helping me keep an eye on him. It was the second day of school that year and our second day of being alone. I had done so many activities the day before, I ran out of ideas, so we watched TV instead. He was enjoying the show so I figured I could get away for a little bit and, seeing as the computer is in the same room as the TV, I figured it would be fine.

I don’t know how long I messed around on Facebook but I heard the laundry stop so I went into the laundry room to fold what was done drying. After about 5 minutes in there, I finished folding, went back into the living room and sat right back on the computer. I didn't even check on my 2 year old, I just went back to typing a comment. My friends were discussing Fight Club; obviously I had to join in the conversation. That is when I heard the blood chilling scream from upstairs. I jumped from my seat and I see him crying at the top of the stairs; blood steadily dripping from his hand as he makes his way down to me. I pick him up and see he has a cut between his thumb and his index finger. I can see white inside and as I take a good look at it, blood shoots out as if from a small squirt gun. I think back to all those cop/war/medical dramas and I put pressure on it praying that is what I am actually supposed to do and not making it worse. I am running around the house looking for something to grab when I see an apple sitting in the living room with the sharpest knife we own stuck through it. I knew exactly what had happened. We had just finished lunch and after I cleaned up I left the knife from cutting apples sitting on the counter. After running around for a minute as the blood is dripping and spraying everywhere I get my head together and finally find a new roll of paper towels and an Ace bandage. I wrapped his hand in it to at least stop the blood from dripping everywhere.

 He is still crying harder than he ever has and with every breath he takes I am praying he takes another. I can’t stop thinking about all those parents, I heard about as a kid, that walked away for 2 minutes from their babies and next they they knew the kid was in a well or taken or attacked or any other tragic that can take your child from you forever. I rushed him to the van, calling my wife an mother praying one of them will be able to pick up the other kids from school, and proceeded to strapped him into the car seat and rush to the hospital. As I got down the street he went quiet; I feared the worst had happened when I notice he was only asleep, I could feel his pulse racing as I raced every light to the hospital. For the rest of the drive I had one hand on the wheel and one on his chest, making sure he was still breathing. I couldn't stop thinking about what could have happened. I kept going to the worst scenario; He could have died while I wasn't looking and I was too “busy” to check on him. I has too lost in my own world of Facebook and acting like I am a great father to even notice my child was about to stab himself with a knife.

Turns out he missed all the important stuff and just needed stitches. My son was okay, but I was not. I kept thinking I was a bad father and that maybe I wasn't cut out to be a dad. I imagined what would happen if he had died; I saw the cops arresting me thinking I had done it on purpose, my wife going emotionally and financially bankrupt, my kids growing up knowing their dad had killed their little brother. The fear and mistrust that would always follow them for the rest of their lives. I saw my whole families future destroyed all because I just had to do one more comment and let all my friends know how much I like the movie Fight Club. I just had to read one more status; play one more game. I realized that to be a good father isn't just being in the room with your child. It means interacting with them no matter how bored you become. It means keeping them close even when you have to leave the room you must always know where they are and dangers are around them. It means showing them how much you love them at all times even when they do something they should not be doing. It means being a dad; especially at those time when you don’t want to be one. I’m not going to say I have changed a lot since this happened but it has done one thing for me; it has made me be more attentive and to pay more attention to him. As far as Ben goes he hasn't change much; in fact he gets in to things on a regular basis. He is now 3 and is just as wild if not more so…But I can say I have never seen him with that super sharp knife again.

Conversations With My Kids: Liam Says I Am Fat

Liam: Wow! You have actually gotten fatter, Dad.
Me <looks in mirror>: What do you mean?
Liam: Since the last time I saw you. Your fat used to hang here <gestures below his tummy> but now it is hanging here <gestures near his knees>
Me: What? When was the last time you "saw me"? <feeling like crap>
Liam: Yesterday. Before you ate split pea soup and starting farting all the time.

Changes and the Things to Come.

It's been a while since I have posted I. My blog but there is a decent reason why. This past June I moved with my from Michigan to New Jersey. As a result, I have been to busy getting things sorted and getting into a whole new routine that seems to change on me everyday. As a result I have been depressed and somedays unable to cope with the changes. I miss my family; my daughter,my mom, my dad, my sister, my little nephew John, my friend Ian and many more people that I may have taken for granted when I was living in Michigan. After all most people that stay in one place for their entire life become content with the people and places around them. Sure I have a clean slate here in New Jersey but it's difficult to come to terms with the differences in my daily life. I struggle everyday getting used to handling 3 kids as opposed to the day being just me and my 3 year old. I have been lucky to spend a little time with the great guys if the NYC Dads group but they are just a little too far away for me to go into NYC every other day.

As some of my regular reader, if there are any, may know that last year I won a scholarship to the 18th Annual At-Home Dads Convention and had an amazing time. After the convention I started dedicating my free time to help with the National At-Home Dad Network, I have written for their blog, helped with the fundraising committee and helped with the scholarship committee. I had a main goal of helping make the scholarship grow more than it has ever done. Without having away any information since the network hasn't announced the winners or anything I can say that I have succeeded in this goal. Unfortunately, there is one goal I have not been able to fulfill, saving my own money to attend the 19th Annual At-Home Dad Convention this year. I began by spending cash and saving all my ones and change. I would not spend those. Over time I started to add 5s here or there and my saving started to grow big time. In a few months I had saved over 150 dollars. But then the move came and I was forced to use those savings. I have not been able to recover since. With the convention getting closer and closer and looking at our future finances it is obvious that I won't be able to go unless I can somehow raise the money. At the behest of my good friend, whom is going but wants me there too, I created a GoFundMe campaign to help raise the money needed to attend the convention. 

This convention is really special to me in so many ways. The guys that run it are all people I hold dear as close friends. When I am down they are there to help me. When I need advice they have all been there or are going through the same thing. The convention offers so much for any dad, whether it be an at home dad or a working dad, there are some great things to help you learn to be an even better dad. I came away from the convention last year feeling refreshed and feeling like I can handle it all. Now I need that refresher. I need that reminder that there are other guys just like me that all have some story that is different yet still the same. 

I have been lucky to raise over $100 so far but that just isn't enough to get me there. If you can donate anything, even a dollar please do it! If you are afraid someone may see your donation then you can donate anonymously and not have to worry about that. All I ask is that you consider something.

Mother's Day: A Day For Moms...Not Dads.

It's that time a year again. Everyone begins to get all teary eyed and wish a happy mother's day to their stay at home dad. Wait, what? Yes this does happen. I know not that much but last year, I saw a number of people wishing happy Mother's Day to their male friends that take on the role as an at home parent. I have seen friends of mine post pictures of themselves holding cards and lovely flowers, saying they received a Mother's Day card. I try not to get upset about things like this but in this instance it really bothers me. Not because it offends me or puts me in an emasculated position (which it does) but because this is supposed to be a day for moms. Not dads. Working moms, at home moms, retired moms, moms you have lost, moms you may gain, moms to be and moms who have lost are all the people that should be honored on this day. Moms...Not dads.

Don't get me wrong here, what we, at home dads, do is pretty amazing. We cook, we clean, do laundry, take kids to school and the park; things that have always been associated with "motherhood." We handle every aspect of the house while our amazing wives do what needs to be done to ensure there is food in our mouths and clothes on our backs. But I ask this one simple question, Since when does Mother's Day mean Homemakers Day?

Exactly...It doesn't

To me, it seems that by giving an at home dad a Mother's Day gift you are just slapping both, moms and dads, in the face. You are saying, "Dads, you are not man enough and working moms you are not womanly enough because you don't stay at home." And that is just wrong. Moms deserve Mother's Day. It is their day to relax and forget about their problems while the kids serve them. It is a day to honor our mothers and just our mothers. At home dads have their own day, would you give a working mom a Father's Day card because she is doing a mans job?

I didn't think so.

Please don't wish a dad a happy Mother's Day. It really isn't necessary because we dads know we are doing more than dads have historically done; but what we also know is that we have amazing wives and they deserve Mother's Day...Not us.

Thoughts on Organization.

One thing I have always struggled with as an At Home Dad is the organizational stuff. Keeping a well packed diaper bag, ensuring laundry is neat & put away and making sure the kids keep their toys cleaned up have always been issues that I just can't seem to get right. There have been many time where I went a few weeks and had it all under control but then I fall back a little and seem to go right back to not caring much. Right now the laundry is mostly clean but none of it is is put away or even folded for that matter and I have been caught in public without a fresh pair of pants for my potty training 3 year old one to many times so I have decided it is time to make some changes and hope they stick.

One problem that causes me to fall behind is the stuff I volunteer with causes me to feel overwhelmed and I just shut down instead. After looking at all  I do I realized I am a pretty busy guy even though I am behind on all my endeavors I still have a lot of none house thing that keep me from being productive. I am going to start dedicating each day to one thing. On Monday I will work on this blog, Tuesday I will work on my book, Wednesday I will do something for the NAHDN blog, Thursday I will work on stuff for the convention and on Friday I will do work for the gaming site IndieLove. Saturday and Sunday will be spend with the kids and after they go to bed I will either game, watch a movie or work on the book. Now before I do any of this I will be sure that the house work is done first or I don't do it. I am really hopeful this new system will work out and I will start getting things done instead of just getting by with the minimum and never actually complete a project.

How about you? Do you struggle with this kind of stuff? Do you have a system that works for you? Let me know in the comments.

Guest Post: Ed Elkins: "I am the Walking Dad".

I would like to congratulate my old high school friend Ed Elkins on the birth of his new baby and thank him for writing this great piece for me. I hope you all enjoy. This was was written the day after his first night home with his little boy.

The cry through the baby monitor could only mean one thing at 4:30 in the morning- "Feed Me Seymour!" Or maybe it was the lack of sleep that was making me hallucinate that Connor was crying. Nope...he was definitely crying.

It is amazing how calm everything is when your baby is cared for by trained nurses and covered in electrodes, heated by a baby broiler and fed on the hour every 3 hours by nurses with decades of experience with preemies like Connor. Then he is released out of the cocoon called the NICU and paranoia sets in. Not the kind of paranoia you get when you notice you're driving 10 miles over the speed limit and see a highway trooper parked on the side of the freeway...no that is paranoia of the conscience showcasing your sanity alongside all of the other break-lights that light up US 60 on a regular basis. This is a different beast entirely. 

It is the paranoia of the *Walking Dad*. You hear a noise, any type of noise really, and your sleepless body enters a state of suspended animation and you awaken to realize you are staring down at this little 4lb baby boy checking to make sure he is breathing. Are you looking close enough? You saw a movement but maybe it was a breeze from the window that you know deep down isn't even open. You start pondering where your wife keeps her makeup compact because you could always hold the mirror portion of it under his nose to confirm and look for condensation. 

You pick him up out of his crib ever so gently and suddenly remember that "project" in middle school where they made you take the egg home to simulate caring for a baby and how you dropped yours when getting off the bus after school that day. So you want to hold him as tightly as possible but then you remember the passage in "Of Mice and Men" where Lennie learns of his own strength while petting a puppy so you decide to carry him like you are an accomplished cat burglar stealing the crown jewels or at least how you imagine a cat burglar would carry something so precious.

The next thing you know he has a clean diaper and you are telling him stories about your childhood and answering his imaginary questions like only a sleep deprived parent can do. Still, he makes for a good conversation so you ramble on because, let's face it, he's not going to tell you to stop. If anything he'll yawn from boredom and you'll yawn back because you're running on two hours of sleep. Then you get to feed him and worry that every noise he makes while drinking from the bottle is some type of sign that he's choking or having problems. In reality he is just being adorable but the only sane thing awake right now is the dog and she'll only tell you if she has to poop or wants to play so you're pretty much left to your own demons at this point. 

His diaper is changed, he's been fed (and probably already dirtying the new diaper) when you realize it is time that you try to fall back to sleep..at least until you hear a grunt or a coo through the baby monitor and freak out again. When you wake up two hours later to feed him and change him again you look in the mirror at the monster staring back at you. Eyes red and barely opening surrounded by dark sunken circles. You are leaking fluids from your nose thanks to allergies and you walk ever so slowly out of the bedroom dragging your feet every step of the way groaning thanks to the sinus headache and realization that you really have to pee but don't have the energy to walk back to the bathroom. You've become a zombie..a paranoid zombie..a member of the *Walking Dad*. 

Hollywood has it all wrong. You don't have to be bitten by a zombie to become one- I was attacked by adorable, killed by cuteness and am brought back to life every time those big eyes stare up at me. 

I am the Walking Dad.

Former lawyer turned sane citizen, voice actor and fledgling dad Ed Elkins has been quickly humbled by the birth of his first child, Connor. Born at only 33 weeks and just less than 4 pounds, Connor spent only two weeks in the NICU before being released. For more information about Ed you can visit his website at edelkins.com.

My First Nephew, Kienen

This past week has been a hard one in the dad blogger world. It seems so many guys have been sharing their story of loss like Tommy Riles has or their near loss like Aaron Gouveia did. Having read all these, I was sad to see them because each time it reminded me of my nephew. My sister has always had trouble getting pregnant so when she was blessed with a little boy in her future we were all happy for her. I was only recently married myself and had no wish for any kids; I did have a daughter at the time I wasn't really able to see her much and hadn't been touched by the "baby bug".

The thought of being an uncle scared me. I feared I would have to hold him and risk dropping him. The pressure was too much for me and I just shut down. I had essentially decided (without my wife's knowledge) that I really didn't want any more kids. Things were going pretty good for my sister but one day at around 25 weeks, I believe, her water broke. I stayed away from the hospital for the most part because I honestly believed it would all be OK. I have always felt, "these things can happen, but not to us". I truly believed that everything would be alright because we are good people. And everything will turn out right when you believe it...right?

On January 29th, Kienan was born at 25 weeks of gestation. I didn't want to go to the hospital, but I sucked it up and went to be there for my sister. I clung to that belief that it would all be alright. I kept telling myself to have faith because that is all you need and things will be right. When I got to the hospital the room we were in was full of hope. Hope that this would all be fine and 18 years later we would be at his graduation thinking how crazy it was that we almost lost him. We all believed it but you could see the truth behind our eyes. You could see it when the nurses came in. You could see it when the doctor explained his odds. And most importantly you could see it in my sister's tears.

I remember being allowed to see him in the NICU. He was so tiny, I could have held him in both my hand with room to spare. I had never seen anything so small in my life. His diaper looked like a giant sized diaper even though it was smaller than my fist. His little eyes shiny and beautiful and I swear he was looking at me as if to say, "I can't wait to meet you, Uncle Mike". His body was covered in bruises from the birth and he was so fragile we weren't allowed to hold him. After 10 minutes of standing in a room full of sadness, I had to leave. I went back into the room and hugged my sister. We left and went home. For the rest of the day I was a shell that kept repeating, "It will be alright. It will be alright."

That night my mom called me and told me we lost him. He was barely 2 days old. I stayed strong all night and for most of the day. We went to the hospital and I was sure to stay strong and not cry. After all I am a man and I must keep my emotions to myself. I need to be strong for my sister...Right? After we left the hospital we went out to eat. I was quiet while my mom and wife discussed what they would do for the funeral, I think. Honestly, I don't remember what was said, my faith in life and God had just been shattered. As we got into the car to go home I told my wife to drive. I could feel myself getting sadder with each minute. As soon as we got on the highway I gave in. I don't think I stopped crying for 2 days.

I know the pain I was feeling was nothing compared to my sisters or even my moms. But it hurt me that I would not get to be an uncle. I wanted to be the uncle that would always be there. Be there to baby sit and be there to take him to baseball games. Be there in high school when his first girlfriend dumps him and he is embarrassed to talk to his parents about it. Be there when he graduates. When he gets married. Has his own kids. It was then that I realized I want to be a dad...not an uncle. That was when I decided to be have kids with my wife. I immediately stepped up for my own daughter and after talking with my wife we decided to have our first kids. 9 months later Liam was born, 17 months later Jude was born then 21 months after that Ben was born. With every birth I am reminded of Kienan. I see him in every one of my kids’ faces.

Sometimes, I feel guilty that I have had 3 boys that have all been healthy and that my sister hasn't been lucky. But I push that down and am thankful for what I have been blessed with. For if it was not for the pain of losing our little angel I would never have become the father I am today. His legacy in alive in me and when you see me being a good father and showing my kids the love they deserve it is all because of Kienan.

This story doesn't end badly for my sister. She got pregnant again and, after a difficult time, she gave birth to John who I was lucky to have been able to babysit yesterday. He is one and a half now and when he went to leave he turned back around and gave me a hug. I may not have been able to be that great uncle for Kienan, but at least I can honor him through John.   

Why I Do This

I want to share this with everyone. Not for the awesome praise I received from my aunt but to highlight why I am involved with At-Home Dads groups and why I write my blog. Honestly, this is why I do what I do.

"I will also take this time to share with you how proud I am of the dad you have become. I have to admit when your mom told me you were quitting your job to stay at home with the kids. I was like What!!! He is a man and father he needs to support his family. I did not understand nor did I want to. But now looking back I have to admit that was probably one of the best choices you could have made. You have grown so much as a father and a person since you have become a stay at home dad. You have 2 maybe 3 more years to be a stay at home daddy before Ben heads off to school, than I want you to get out and get a job: ) lol. You are building fond memories with your children and they will always be thankful for your roll as a father who took care of his kids and wife in a way that no other man can say he did. I now find myself defending stay at home father's instead of thinking of them as just being lazy. By watching you i have changed the way I think in so many ways myself. I am proud of you."

Her comment reflects what all At-Home Dads are trying to highlight that it is OK for a dad to stay home for his family. Yes, I will eventually get a job and hopefully a decent cereer but she is right these memoires will last for ever and I know I will look back on them fondly. And hopefully, so will my kids.

Also...As an at home parent it's nice to get this kind of praise.

Enjoy The Silence

Here I am sitting at my computer, the sun is bright and the 13 inches of snow outside my door is shining in every window. The only sound to be heard is the TV playing an episode of Octanauts and the occasional laugh and happy noises of a fidgeting 2 year old. My 3 oldest are not home because school is finally back in session. We had great Christmas break that wasn't to crazy and the weekend after January 1st we were all ready for school to start. Liam was ready to start his Violin lessons again, Jude wanted to see his friends again and Gabi was looking forward to having here holiday party that got set aside when school was canceled on the Friday before break. Then it started to snow; and snow and snow and snow. We looked at maps showing what areas in Michigan were going to get the most snow and found our house; right on the inner edge of the giant red dot showing what area would get 12+ inches of snow. I knew right then school would have to be canceled. Everything was going good until the Monday night. At the time, around 9:30pm, we had around 8 inches and the cable and internet went out. I thought, "OK. It should be back on in the morning and we will be fine." It wasn't back on in the morning. In fact it didn't come back on until 1pmWednesday. Tuesday was rough because the kids didn't want to watch any of the DVDs we had and just wanted to toss the toys around instead of actually play with them. By Wednesday they lost all interest in TV, until the cable came back later on, unfortunately they had already been terrible monsters fighting and screaming at every chance. But I managed to pull though, I got the house cleaned, laundry done and even had all the toys sorted and put away before Silva even got home. This, of course, means that now the house is mostly clean. In fact I feel like I don't know what to do. I'm trying to avoid things that will suck up all my time and make it go by fast but all I want to do is sleep. But it would be wrong of me to nap while my 2 year old is running around...Right? I guess I might as well just enjoy the silence..

I Knew You Before You Even Existed

I love music. There are many different genres and I can honestly say that I like something in every one of them. There are some I don't like as much as others, such there are still some rap songs that I do enjoy. Of all the many artists out there, I feel you can group them all into 4 different categories: Those that make music for the sake of music, those that make music for the sake of poetry, those that make music for the sake of money and those that make music for the sake of emotion. The first two are both great reasons. If you do it for music you pay attention to the sound and the movement of the sound. If you do it for poetry, the words are more important and you look to the music later. The third is not a good one at all and you only care about producing something that will be huge, so you lip sync or over modulate your voice and pay others to write your songs. The final is the rarest and most powerful of the 4. The 4th mixes the best of the first two. You look for the best sound you can to create a feeling that will make some one tear up. Then you look to the words and give it all the attention to complement the sound you created.

I have mentioned in a few of my posts on here about a group called M83 that has blown me away recently. This group creates emotion like it comes natural to them. Most of the time my listening to them has caused tears. The trailer for the movie "Cloud Atlas," which made me cry featured one of their songs. The movie "Oblivion" used them to score the entire film, which made me cry. In my post on my blog about the 18th Annual At-Home Dads Convention, I mention how the album caused me to tear up while thinking about my kids. That was with no visual influence. Just the words and music created an emotional connection to me that cause me to break down.

Now on to my real reason for bringing them up again. I have been listening to their most recent album a lot and their first track simply titled, "Intro", has a line that I have misinterpreted. I thought it said, "We KNEW you before you even existed", but it actually says, "We WERE you before you even existed". Before I even knew what the real words were I thought a lot about that phrase, "We knew you before we even existed". As a father of four kids I immediately thought about my kids. Actually, as a father I think about my kids with just about anything, but this time it made sense to me.

I never met my daughter until she was 18 months and didn't know she was mine until she was 2. One could imagine that it would be hard for an 18 year old to understand that this kid is a part of him, but for me it was right. When I looked into my Gabi's eyes I just knew I knew her before. I felt like I had always known her. It was as if I knew here before. Before she even existed. Since then there have been doubts about whether or not I am actually her father and I myself even question it. I never had a test done but something tells me that no test will give me an answer because I still knew her before. She has always been mine and I have always know we were destined to be together as a father and daughter. In 2007, my oldest son was born. When I saw him I knew I had known him forever. Before he existed. I knew who he was. It all clicked to me. The emotions I fear to show before he was born all came out. I saw us in him. I saw my wife, I saw myself and I knew that he was us. We were him. We came together to create him. His emotions, his love, his anger, his fear, his looks, his touch, his every being was us. We were him. Even now that he is 6 I still see us.

When a parent first sees their child they look at that little bundle of poop, pee & need and feel emotions because they actually feel like they always have known them. For a new dad, they see someone that makes sense. Someone that has always been there and will always be there. For a mother, it is more profound, that child has spend the past 9 months inside them so, in a way, they do know them. They know their sleeping schedule, their temperament and their emotion, all based on how they were acting in the womb. As parents, we are naturally bred to love our children. We knew them before they even existed.

"We didn't need a story, we didn't need a real world

We just had to keep walking

And we became the stories, we became the places

We were the lights, the deserts, the faraway worlds

We were you before you even existed"

Now that's poetry any parent can understand.

Guest Post: Dave Taylor: "SPORTS? WELL, I DO HAVE A SON..."

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Today is the day where everyone watches football and it reminds me that I don't like football and that my kids are copying me in this dislike. The issue is I want them to like sports. I don't want them to grow up never finding out for themselves whether they like it or not. I have decided to try and get into it to try to get them to make their own decisions. Here is a special guest post from Dave Taylor at GoFatherhood.com about a different kid of football. Enjoy!

I don't know what kind of crossed DNA we had when he was conceived, but neither my ex nor I are particularly into sports, either playing or watching, yet my 13yo son is quite the athlete and fan. Truth is, I'm just not hugely competitive and as someone born in England, most American sports leave me bored to tears with the incessant ad breaks and 150 person teams full of specialists who can kick, run, pass, block or do the end-zone dance, but little else. How that's a sport escapes me.

But I also realize that when I was growing up, my Dad was not into any sports at all, even though he was quite a decent soccer player in London when he was in his teens and early twenties. Then the war showed up, he played against top-league professionals, pressure to earn money arose, and, well, he rapidly lost interest in sports.

That was his decision. But mine? Whether or not I'm an avid fan, I want my son -- and my daughters! -- to have the option of being into sports by exposing him to as many different teams as possible. Heck, he's quite the young athlete himself, alternating between basketball and lacrosse depending on the season. What teams does he support? Basically whatever the adults around him support. So that means the British Premier League soccer team the Tottenham Hotspurs because of my support of the team and the Broncos and Chiefs (confusingly!) because of us being in Colorado and his Mom having been born in Kansas City.

I've been to lots of live sports and they can be quite fun. I was particularly surprised by a Colorado Avalanche game that my son and I attended a while back that was way more fun than I expected! Baseball is more hit and miss and while I enjoy the "great American pastime" I always go to games prepared to be bored for at least one stretch of the game. And a no-hitter? Yaaawwwwnnn.

But I've always been a big fan of soccer, especially World Cup soccer, and even more so in the last 5-10 years or so. I don't know that I'd say I'm rabid or even avid, but I have a Spurs sweatshirt and team case for my iPhone. When they play and it's broadcast, I get up early to watch the matches, including when they get a real drubbing as they did last weekend from Manchester City. Yech. Does that make me fanatical?

My son definitely enjoys watching soccer matches with me, and when we can, I'll take him to a sports bar to get the social, audience experience. And he's clearly more of a sports fan than I am, happy to turn on a basketball, football, baseball or lacrosse game too. It's the least I can do, raising a boy.  And the fact that my daughters enjoy an occasional sporting event? That's just a lovely bonus.

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Dave Taylor blogs about being a single father at GoFatherhood.com and can be found on all major social media. Start by looking for him at @DaveTaylor on Twitter.

An Open Letter to Parents on the Playground: It Is OK to Play With Your Kids

I pulled up to the playground and me and my boys got excited. We come to this playground everyday and no one is ever here. Of course, I was happy about this at first; my social anxieties used to make me uncomfortable around other parents. Over the months, I began to notice my kids weren't having fun because there were no other kids. So imagine our excitement when we saw other kids! Now, imagine our disappointment when we notice you are sitting in your car while your 3 and 4 year olds are playing...Alone and as we approached the play area we heard your honk and then heard your shouts, "Come on! It's time to go!" And then all of our excitement was gone. I know you had to leave and I'm not blaming you for their disappointment but a minute after you left my 4 year old asked me this question: "Dad, why don't they play with their kids?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I couldn't come up with a good answer so I only said, "Some parents can't play with their kids like I can." Which is true. Maybe you had a surgery or you just aren't that young and aren't able to catch up. My kids are great in many ways. One of them being they are always giving me things to think about. This started me thinking.

Parenting is hard. We can all agree on that. All we ever do is deal with kids and when we have a moment, we just want to sit and enjoy it. The little ones are always there and they do not make things easier, that's for sure. But they still need us and play time is one of the best ways we can teach them. Over and over again when I go to the playgrounds that are popular and I see the same sight. Mom's and Dad's just sitting down and messing with their phone while the little ones run around in chaos. Of course, it is not everyone but this message isn't for the 25% (totally made up; number based on experience only) that do play and interact. This is for the phone moms and dads.

Most of the reason I go to this particular lonely park is because it is right next to my wife's work and we have 45 minutes to kill before we pick her up. The other is because I don't have to get weird looks from people sitting down while I am jumping around and playing in the sandbox. I have never liked putting myself in a position where people look at me so I like that I can play tag with the kids and run and slide down slides and jump off swings and...You get the picture. It allows me to act like a kid. You may not realize it but your kids are watching you. When they see you sitting on your phone ignoring everyone they will learn that it is OK to be that way. I think we can agree that is not what you want from your kids. You want them to be social and play with others. You don't want them sitting on the swings with their own phones Instagraming the sun and saying how awesome playing at the park is (which I have seen many time; seriously, anyone under the age of 13 DOES NOT NEED A SMART PHONE! But that's another post altogether). We want them to be friendly and not be afraid to play with other kids.

My point is that it is OK to play with your kids at the park. Let them see you having fun. Let them see you being silly. This is a moment where you can take a break from being mom or dad and be a friend. These little moments go a long way and when they are older they will remember it! Parenting is about having no regrets and raising our children the way they will look back and say, "Mom was so awesome. She was the one all the kids wanted to play with at the park." I am always certain to make moments and traditions that will last forever. When we go to the car; I will race them and sometimes I even let them win. When we are in elevators; I will tell them the elevator needs help and we need to push up with all our strength. These moments will be something my family will always cherish. Don't wait for your kids to create the good times...Create the good times for them.

My Experience at the 18th Annual At-Home Dads Convention

Here I am sitting in Parent Hell. Yes I am referring to that parental terror also known as Chuck E. Cheese. It has been a week since the second day of 18th Annual At-Home Dads Convention. Actually, I'm not sitting, I'm standing, chasing down kids left and right. Chuck E. just came out and, while the kids do their dance, before the evil version of Mickey Mouse tosses a box full of tickets in the air causing an onslaught that reminds me of an episode of The Walking Dead, in which I'm not sure if my kids will come out with a hand full of tickets or a face full of tears, I am typing this. Now this isn't a day where we decided to take only our kids on a nice quiet weekday. This is Saturday for a birthday party. But in all fairness, the kids are having fun. They are smiling and being happy which, in spite of my disdain for the place, makes the trip worth it. It is a big difference to how my days were over one week ago.

My trip began at 3 am eastern time. I woke to my alarm and ate breakfast. Knowing I wouldn't be eating for a while, I ate some extra calories. Little did I know it still wouldn't be enough and would be eating again for nearly 10 hours. Everything worked out; my plane was on time and I made it on without issues, even after leaving my Fitbit on while going through security I still was in the air at a 6:50am. It was a quiet flight, after all it was really early and most people were asleep. Even the 2 people next to me. I stared out the window as we took off I noticed the sun beginning to rise, I was listening to m83 on the iPod and it had just began to play their song, "Wait." The brilliant colors of the sun coming over the horizon was the most amazing sight I have ever seen (aside from the birth of my kids). It seemed I was the only one to notice. A I am listening to this song I am overwhelmed by emotion. It reminds me it will be the first time in a very long time that my boys will wake up and their dad would not be there. I felt myself begin to tear up and I was sad that I couldn't be there for them in the morning.


"Send your dreams 
Where nobody hides 
Give your tear's
To the tide 
No time 
There's no end 
There is no goodbye 
Disappear 
With the night 
No time" - m83 - "Wait"

After spending the day in downtown Denver, after I finally found some food in downtown, I met up with Eric of Dad on the Run and Don Jackson of Daddy Newbie. It was great being able to hang out with 2 guys I felt I already knew because of Facebook. After about 30 minutes, my roommate and gracious host Al Watts arrived and I was finally able to get in a room and clean up. As a scholarship recipient, Al hosted me in his room without me having to cover any costs. I am still amazed and thankful for everything the National At-Home Dad Network (NAHDN) did to help me get out there. They covered flight, admission to the convention and even covered the cost for the Saturday dinner. After spending a few minutes in the room I met downstairs with Eric and Chris from DadNCharge. I then did something I have never really done before; walked to a bar for a few drinks. After a couple beers and meeting up with Trevor from OneSAHD, we headed back to the hotel for the meet up before we all headed to Lucky Strike.

We were like a gang, laughing and walking through LoDo. Probably around 20 of us all following everyone and no one, hoping at least one of us knew the way. Finally we arrived at Lucky Strike and had a fun time just talking and getting to know one another. I heard and had so many great conversations although the number one question of the night I heard was always, "How many kids do you have?" I had assumed my answer of four would raise some eyebrows but was pleasantly surprised to find many of us have more than 3 kids. It is something we all have in common. This pure love and emotional connection to our children. One isn't enough for us. I felt at home. Rarely was sports the major part of the conversation. Yes it was discussed but I never heard anyone push it like I hear when I talk to guys at bars that have no kids. It was always, kids, wives, housework and playgroups. Oh and poop...Of course. I had an amazing conversation with Chris Routly from Daddy Doctrines about web comics, kids TV and Breaking Bad. Made my night since I haven't talked to many other that have finished Breaking Bad and was able to have a spoiler filled conversation without holding back details and my true feelings about the show.

That night when I finally arrived late to the hotel I was surprised to find my roommate was not there yet; I figured he would have been asleep already since, being the president of the National At-Home Dad Network, he would have a busy day in the morning. He arrived not long after but this began one of my favorite parts of the convention; my nightly conversations with Al Watts. He, being a little older than me, had so much insight at what I am going through and put a lot of things in perspective. It was great talking about the convention, past conventions, future ones, Brian Dickson, how the scholarship works, ect. Learning how much goes in to putting this on made me want to be a part of it. It was the first night that I decided to volunteer to help with the scholarship committee with the hopes to help expand it and help other dads that have financial trouble to make the trip.

Early Friday many of us went to the Food Bank of the Rookies for a community service project and then after lunch the convention officially began.The speakers for the Friday were really great. We were introduced to Dr. Richard Mahogany and Mantherapy.org, followed by a great discussion with, Al, Hogan Hilling, Chris Routly and Doug French about empowering dads and leading the charge on breaking down negative stereotypes. Something we all deal with on a regular basis; people that don't understand why we are at home with the kids and not our wives. Two people that left a positive impression on me during the whole trip were women. Lisa Duggan and Stephanie Jelley from The Modern Village & Umojawa. They did a nice presentation on mindfulness and at every turn, whether speaking or just hanging around during a meet up, they were always helping us and inspiring us to be great dads.

Saturday began our keynote speaker (Dr. Harley Rotbart) and our breakout sessions. Dr. Rotbart blew me away. His book No Regret Parenting is all about creating those little moments in your kids lives that will stick with them for the rest of their life. It has been an eyeopener in the fact I realize I already do things like, every time we are in an elevator my kids and I will try to lift the elevator up or push it down. My kids always do it even when I'm not paying attention. Hearing what he had to say made me realize how important it is to always do that and make it a moment they expect and have fun with it.

After a great lunch provided by timetoplaymag.com the breakouts began. I attended Returning to Work, At–Home Fitness, Infants & Toddlers, Marriage – Relationship . They all offered a great learning experiences but the one I enjoyed the most was the At-Home Fitness session. It made me realize how easy it can be to get in little workouts and still get stuff done. They actually had us doing the exercises so we can learn them before we take it back home and start to be more fit. 

The part of the whole convention that I enjoyed the most was the end. Not because I was happy it was over but because it offered the most emotion. Al Watts blew us all away with a powerful talk about his daughter and how her recent brush with death was a reminder about why he stays at home and why he helps run the NAHDN. The story had almost every man in that room tearing up. His daughter was horseback riding in Yellowstone and the horse she was riding stepped wrong and fell in a canyon with is 11 year old still on. She stopped around 150 feet down and was trapped there fro 4 hours waiting for helicopters to come and rescue her. I know we were all imagining that happening to our own kids. Afterward we watched a slideshow of pictures of our kids. Seeing all these happy faces of our kids was a bit overwhelming. Having just heard Al's story seeing picture of kids I recognized, kids that looked like guys I just met and then seeing my own brought tears to my eyes. All the pain I felt about leaving them was too much and I couldn't hold back. I don't think I have ever missed my kids more than that moment. 

During closing remarks, I was real proud of all the scholarship dads that stood up and thanked everyone for helping us get to the convention. It is extremely important for dads that are low income to attend something like this because we learn stuff we never would because we can't afford it. There are so many books and classes offered back home but because of our position we can't attend or buy the books. I am very happy we spoke up because it allowed us to put it out there that this scholarship is great and can be better if only we get the word out and bring in more funding to get more dads out to these conventions. I was nearly brought to tears when I heard of some dads, that didn't really know about the scholarship, decided that they would pay for a hotel room for next years recipients. I decided if I couldn't afford it next year, I would rather sit it out than to receive another scholarship and stop someone from missing out. If you can please donate to the scholarship fund and help as many dads as we can.

I guess it't time to close this. I want to thank a lot of people here. For Robb Tavill, thank you for all the work you did to get me out there. For Al Watts, thanks for hosting me at the last minute and for all the amazing conversations. They may have kept us up later than we should have but they were worth it. For Eric Boyette and Don Jackson for hanging out with me while I waited for Al to arrive. For James Kline, thank you for teaching me how to enjoy beer and for the great conversations we had, I can't wait for 2015/2016! For Greg Washington, thanks for being awesome and all the Facebook friend suggestions. For Michael Brown for the great conversation we had that left me feeling inspired about something I can barely remember, one too many beers I guess. And a big collective thanks to the following for just being awesome: Philip Andrew, Will Culp, Rich O'Dell, Ron Crouch, Bill Ekhardt, Justin Faucette, Joe Agro, Ryan Rippentrop, Lance Somerfeld, Doug French, Stephanie Jelley, Jim O'Dowd, Todd Matarazzo, Chris Routly, Lisa Duggan,  Jesse King, Hogan Hilling, Christian Toto, Michael Madsen, David Worford, Jarrod Hindman, Dr. Harley Rotbart, Nick Weber, Alberto Pellicer, Austin Dowd. For the convention sponsors: Huggies, Timetoplaymag.com, SafariLtd.com, Farmrich, The Modern Village, Umojawa, Flexjobs.com, DAD 2.0 Summit.

I know I missed a few people but if I talked to you and didn't mention you here it is because either we never friended each other on Facebook or I never got your name.

And a huge thanks to Richard Blake and all the other Denver dads for leading the charge on setting it all up!